Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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