Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
