watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
