i barfeds in our rink
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
