I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
