Me too!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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