I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
