That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
