Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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