I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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