Cold hands, warm shart.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
