Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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