I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
