Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
