What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
