guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
