can u get pink eye on your cock?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
