Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
