I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
