dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
