She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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