ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
