...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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