College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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