wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
