I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
