I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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