my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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