Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
