I wish I could teleport
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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