I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
