Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
