i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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