Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
