You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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