I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
