I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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