my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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