Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
