id be glad to
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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