My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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