Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
