Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
