Im at strip club and am horny
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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