My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
