just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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