is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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