I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
