I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
