im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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