I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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