Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
