I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
