do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Randomize
