You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
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Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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