sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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