I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
