sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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