I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize