I heard we made out
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
