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He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
